A Little Ditty About the Faculty/Senior Game


If there is a downside to being hyper-competitive that is to invest oneself into the most trivial of competitive endeavors as though it were game seven of the NBA finals, it may be found in the mixed bag that is a faculty/senior game. I have a long and storied career in these games. During my tenure at Trinity Prep, I shot 7/8 from the field and went toe to toe with Winter Park legend Stan Pietkiewicz. Though not advisable, you can show up at Stan’s Winter Park home at any hour of the day or night with $100 and challenge him to a game of horse, or invite him to speak to your team and play him for any amount of cash he may have on him at the time.

At Oviedo, I drilled four straight three point shots during a decisive stretch in the second and third quarters. However in my second faculty/senior game in orange and black, the dark side of these games emerged. The seeds of our defeat were planted two years earlier when John Boston and Qamar Lewis were unwelcomed to the basketball program. Not only did this hurt our varsity program, but also provided the seniors with two excellent players that would not have been eligible had they played varsity basketball. The coup de grace was a bloated roster that featured women and the elderly resulting in a humiliating defeat, and a bitter drinkfest at a local watering hole.

Last night’s game at Winter Springs was it’s own animal. Varsity seniors Daemon Ashley and Alex A-Cock-but-damaged-balls Cochran were eligible to play, as was St. Leo sophomore and former Winter Spring’s charge-taker Spencer Mitchell (for the faculty). Most notable was the presence of women….lots of women all shapes and sizes and mostly modest ability. We numbered 12 women on our 18 player roster, and the seniors were no different. I was greatly distressed. I suggested an all women’s exhibitition game running no more than four minutes of running clock followed by a genuine official game featuring men and El Chicharito Sr. A comprise was worked out, against my will which does tend to suggest it wasn’t a compromise, but rather an unwanted imposition of hardship upon me, where by the women would play the first and third quarter of the game and the men the second and decisive fourth quarter. Our men’s roster featured two women for eight total players, one of whom wore pink shorts and had blonde hair. Post-game, Mr. Charm credited her with keeping him engaged in the game for what that was worth…..his stat line featured credible defense, general activity, 0/8 from the field including muffing the pass of the game and 1/2 from the line.

The senior women raced out to a 7-0 lead before we sent in a fresh five. The disoriented players, if you could call them that, wandered to the bench to a wall of cuirous stares. The second unit of women mustered a few steals and drew fouls to close the game at the end of one.

My first pass was dismal, high and away to Mr. Charm resulting in a turnover. My next was sublime. I gathered a long rebound left of the lane, drove middle drawing help and served a behind the back pass to Mr. Charm who botched the lay up. Spencer Mitchell got the put back. I musted two second quarter assists hitting a cutter on an inbounds underneath play and a baseball pass in transition. We went to the half up two.

The third quarter moved at a pace best decribed as stationary, but we built a four point lead to start the fourth. Midway through the quarter, I hit a pair of three pointers and our lead swelled to 12. To be fair, I airballed my third attempt. I was inexplicably subbed for El Chicharito Sr. at the four minute mark, and watched the lead fritter away. I returned on my own initiative with 47.7 seconds left to play and engineered some quality ball movement and hit the front end of a one and one with 7 seconds left to give us a four point lead and seal the game.

Post-game celebrations followed at the clubhouse.

2 thoughts on “A Little Ditty About the Faculty/Senior Game

  1. this post sucks. 0/8??? you have to be shitting me! more like 0/4. all inside shit that i forced trying to get fouls. and no mention of my superb defense. let me remind you…their run came when i was OUT of the game…and daemon’s only 3 is when YOU switched off on him. make sure the ppl know this!

  2. I mentioned your defense hereinabove. I will now note your deflecting a rebound away from me in the closing seconds necessatating your felonious assault on a woman in the closing seconds.

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