Day Two: Duechebags and Dead Legs


Soccer is fairly criticized for the dirty art of diving and fake injuries. Bryson has been playing since the age of four, and he has never done either. A few seasons ago, he encountered a blatant diver, who had fallen theatrically without so much as a touch, and Bryson threw his hands in the air and shook his head in disbelief. This remains the most demonstrative he has ever been on a soccer pitch. Of this, I am immensely proud.

Pride runs thin in the douchebag community and in particular the Delaware douchebag community. We faced a team that featured twins from Delaware. They were the tallest players by 4-5″‘s, but easily the most appalling. Midway through the first half in a tense match, Mikey Lynch and one of the twins went in hard at each other, and the twin threw Mikey to the ground. Objectively, both guys probably fouled, but the throw down forced the official’s hand in favor of us. Then the fun began. In a clear post-puberty voice the twin yelled, “he punched me in the stomach.” The official waved him off, and the twin began writhing on the ground like a Dark Knight Rises shooting victim on the verge of tears. His coach/father came on to the field to complain, then spent the rest of the game encouraging his twins to “go after” our players. We kicked their ass 8-2.

Despite this beating, these twins heckled our players during our next match, and I coincidentally followed them out of the complex on the way home. The entire time their dad/coach indulged their complaints about being fouled, or officiating calls and offered little more than “aggressive” encouragement.

I do not hold a formal coaching license, and do not fit the description of a role model for sportsmanship, though in a strange turn of events, I won the Danbury Trojans “Sportsmanship” Award in 1985 (apparently my inherent compititive qualities outweighed my 5 15 yard personal foul penalties and near ejection that season.). That being said, I respect the game and the people I play and coach against until they deem themselves unworthy of that respect. I can safely predict that the duechebag twins under the stewardship of their duechey dad will turn out to be subpar human beings. We win assholes!

It is inevitable in weekend tournament play that you will lay an egg. There will be a game that you just don’t answer the bell for. This was our last pool game. From the opening minute we were flat-footed and disinterested. Everything we did well in our first three wins was lost in this game. In a perverse way, I put a lot in these games. They are frustrating to endure, but you learn something important about your team. If they are good, and have a pulse they will find a point in the game to dig in a fight back. If they have a chance to be great, they fight back and win. We trailed 4-3 late, but won 5-4.

Our brother team’s the Sharpshooters and Lions swept all four of their games on the day. The Sharpshooters responded well to losing a game yesterday, and made the final 6. The Lion’s faced a moment of truth in their fourth game going down 2-1 in the second half. An immediate equalizer from Assyed Sanchez followed and a terrific game-winner from Ryan Drohan pushed them into the knock out stage as the top seed.

Posted with WordPress for BlackBerry.

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